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Until the last few generations, most American families were two-parent ones; living nearby, perhaps even in the same house, were grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. THe women were primarily responsible for caring for the children and running the household while the men worked outside the home. In many ways, this formula worked well: There were plenty of adults to look after the children. There was a built-in support system and roles were clearly defined. The children benefited the most because they had so many close social contacts and received love from so many different directions.
The extended family is not as common in American society today. Due to career obligations, opportunities, and the desire to go to new places, fewer and fewer newly married couples choose to or can live near their parents or close relatives.
Without regular contact with these relatives, parents and children need to create alternative support systems. A close friendship with another family, participation in a surrogate or foster grandparent program, or in Big Brothers or Sisters, can help replace the missing ties. For many families, religious congregational activiities are a source of support and close friendships. Many other community programs such as youth and neighborhood activity centers also can fulfill these needs.
Even if your relatives are scattered, try to strengthen your child's sense of family by keeping in touch by phone and letters. Encourage your child to draw pictures for relatives, and to send his own letters when he learns to write. Exchange photographs, and make them into a photo album that grows with your child. If you have a tape recorder or video camera, make tapes of your family or even your letters to bring you closer together.
The overall intent is to balance the intimate connections of a small nuclear family with continued meaningful contacts with loved ones outside the immediate family. The values fostered and nurtured through these family relationships will be important ones for the child to model and incorporate into his way of living when he grows up. Your family's modeling of these values reinforces their importance for the growing child.
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